As 2017 comes to a close I know a lot of people are going into reflection mode (my favorite thing to do.)
As a side note, maybe that should be my new title - Professional Reflector 😜
Haha, for Realz though - reflection is a big part of goal setting, creating and moving forward.
Most women I speak to are Uber-responsible and have very high expectations of themselves.
Often times their reflections are all about what hey haven’t done. Trust me, I get it. 👋🏼 recovering over-achiever here.
I want you to hear this - your value is not based on how much you achieve, how “good” of a mom you are or what you are accomplishing in life.
You are valuable just for being you.
I know that sounds like fluff but it’s not.
You probably have no idea how much just your BEING brings value to the world.
It’s not just about what you are doing.
Of course, it’s kind of important to not sit on the couch and eat bon-bon’s all day but I get the feeling that’s far from your experience.
A few years ago (I think my 37th bday) I decided to no longer try to be better.
Instead of self-improvement, I chose self-acceptance.
I began with making a list of all I had already accomplished. The first page was filled with achievements. Wrote a book, made x $$, etc. etc.
The next page was filled with a different kind of accomplishment. I had become more patient, trusting, self-loving, I was more self-honoring, etc.
I was surprised at how proud this list made me feel.
I call these “soft qualities” or feminine achievements and we don’t give them enough credit.
I mean at the end of the day it’s these qualities that get us to our goals.
Being self-loving makes you a good mom.
Trusting your path makes you successful.
It’s a different kind of way to accomplish but it’s super powerful.
In 2015 when we moved cross -country, I took 2 years off. I didn’t work, sent my son to school full-time and gave myself space to heal.
I wasn’t “sick” but I was tired.
I had been through a lot. I lost both parents, gave birth prematurely, left my profession and moved cross-country.
I went through a total shift in identity. The old me would have seen “not doing anything” as failure.
My value had come from the letters behind name, the money in my bank account and how socially accepted my life looked.
I was the bread-winner, and an achievement junkie and a people-pleaser my whole life.
It took a lot of self encouragement to give myself permission to focus on me and prioritize my own Joy and be willing to receive support (meant I had to give up control)
My days were filled with yoga, hiking, painting, writing, meeting new people, and being in circle with other women choosing a similar path.
Giving myself permission to have that much space was the biggest gift for me, my family and my sacred work in the world.
Turns out that every woman I coach or interact with is feeling anxious, burnt out or just really disconnected.
Their soul is screaming and crying for that same kind of attention and me time.
Now you don’t have to go to the extremes I have (unless you want to) but a little bit of self-celebrating and space can go really far!
So as 2017 comes to a close, I encourage you to take some space to make a list of all you did “right” this year.
Do make a list of societal accomplishments but go further.
Close your eyes and allow yourself to be flooded with memories of 2017 that felt good.
Don’t be surprised if it’s not what you expected as you will be answering with your heart not your intellect.
It could be seeing a rainbow, watching your child pet a horse, having a “real” conversation with a co-worker, being treated kindly at a check-out counter, meeting your partners gaze and feeling your heart relax.
Let the memory flood your body with the good feelings.
Out of all the tools I have in my basket this one is the most profound.
It only takes 5 mins but it makes the biggest shift. Really take the time to embrace it.
I send you off to end 2017 with a real celebration. Uplift yourself and be witnessed in your awesomeness.
Share your list in my private FB group.
Allow yourself to be the example of self-celebration amongst other women.
The more we celebrate ourselves the more we give permission to other women to do the same.
Envy and comparison is not a natural feminine attribute. These are the shadow aspects created through patriarchy. Women are actually innately communal.
Be the change you want that see in the world Darling!
Sweta aka Dr. Sweta