You are smart
When you are asked to do something whether it’s a project at work, bake a dish for the next pot-luck style gathering, or be there for a friend, you do it well and you are proud of it.
You should be.
“They” know they can depend on you and that you will deliver with a smile.
That’s great for them, but what about you?
Are you feeling met?
Do you feel like you are getting in return what you bring to the table?
Whether that’s acknowledgement, reciprocity, financial exchange it’s really important for relationships and fulfillment that your needs are met too.
If they are not, resentment will build up and nothing kills joy more than resentment.
Before we get into how to have your needs met, lets talk about how you likely became so great.
Like everything else – it usually stems from childhood.
You probably had caregivers that did not have the capacity to really be there for you. In some ways, you may have had to learn to parent yourself. Depending on your situation, you may have needed to parent others too.
You learned to be self-reliant and maybe you even learned how to read the needs of others as a coping mechanism.
When you got it right or “handled” yourself, you were safe. Perhaps, you even got recognition. Being independent became a path of survival and love for you. It also made you good at your job, as a parent, as a friend, as a partner, etc.
Obviously, these are all good things (being independent) but, like anything else in life, we need balance. Too much independence can turn into isolation (doesn’t matter how many people are around you.)
It’s very human to want to feel like you can depend on someone for support. It’s also really hard if you haven’t really been able to do that in the past.
Often times, you learn to live without it and “settle” for less than you should.
You end up in a job where your gifts are taken advantage of and not compensated.
You have friendships that are not reciprocal.
You end up in relationships where you are scared to ask for what you want or feel like you have to give something to get it.
You probably don’t even know that is what is going on in the background. However, you wind up finding yourself tired, sick, angry and frustrated.
Now the question is how to get your needs met?
A little warning, you may not like my answer. It’s not an easy one to swallow for strong, big-hearted, generous givers.
Give yourself permission to be weak.
In my experience, uber- responsible good girls/boys, carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.
It’s enough! You don’t need to do that anymore.
I know it’s not easy, but allow yourself to be the one taken care of for once. Let love in without controlling how it wants to come in.
I know you were disappointed as a child. I know there was nobody to hold you and tell you that you are not responsible for the suffering you saw and witnessed at such a young age.
You had to grow up too soon and perhaps you started emotionally and/or energetically taking care of others. At times you maybe had to limit yourself and not shine so not to hurt them.
I want you to know, that you don’t have to keep your heart closed to feel safe. You also don’t need to right the pain of your past, nor do you have to limit yourself because it's "too much" to handle.
Instead, I ask you to have compassion for the little girl/boy inside of you that never experienced unconditional love. I ask you to give support another chance. I ask you to let yourself experience divine love.
It requires vulnerability, a loss of control, and an ultimate surrender.
When you are always so on top of everything, the one holding it together for everyone else, it can feel like letting go is a statement of abandonment.
“God knows what will happen if I let go?”
“I’ll be a basket case”
“I’ll jump ship and the ones I love will be left behind”
I am not asking you to let go of yourself or your responsibilities. I am asking you to let go of the belief that you are responsible for others and that you are alone.
Surrender your pain, your grief, the suffering of others into the arms of the Divine Mother. Call on Kuan Yin, Mother Mary, Durga, Guadalupe, Mother Earth, to hold this for you.
If you are uncomfortable with these names/energies make up a name that feels good to you. It doesn’t really matter, just allow in an energy that is bigger than you to support you.
There is nothing to do – just allow.
Secondly, anytime you feel alone, ask yourself, “How may I let more love in?” Let go of how that love should look and be open for an invitation.
It may show up as a sign, an inner-awareness/feeling, a person, a flat out miracle.
Be open to receiving and celebrate it.
Focus on the love that is there, and it will grow.